Tolerance and Individualism

Today I’m going to write about something that as far as I know no one else has written about. As a result, my ideas aren’t yet fully formed. That’s ok. Every great idea was once a germ in a filthy pool. Discussed over time germs can become groundbreaking. For example, many of the ideas that led to American democracy were controversial in their time. If we went back and read those ideas we might chuckle at their lack of form, but what is important is they got the ball running.

That’s more than a necessary prologue. I want to talk about how intolerance destroys individualism, how intolerance shapes society and how we as a society should act. 

First intolerance destroys individualism because it forces people into  opinions. We have hated each other for opinions for all of written history. History shows it hasn’t always been a good thing. Socrates and Jesus Christ were both executed for their opinions. Their executions underly a truth about humanity we often don’t like to acknowledge. For the most part people don’t have control of their own views and society actively tries to shape those views.

Let’s start first with the conception of belief. We understand that beliefs shape who we are, but we don’t examine where they came from. Beliefs can be formed several ways. Charismatic leaders like Jesus Christ or Gandhi can inspire others driven toward the truth. One might read their writings and view them situationally over and over again to establish a moral system. One might further read philosophers, economists etc to shape the world where ethics against and find a balance between the ethical and realistic. A person like this more than likely (there is no certainty in this world for anyone but zealots) end up a good person provided they are honest with themselves and think of the effect of their believes on others. This person will take a lifetime developing their beliefs and will oscillate between different systems. They may never feel settled in their beliefs. They might even eschew belief altogether for community activism. They may also be extremely unpopular.

Most people aren’t like this. Their views are shaped by their immediate friends and desire to fit in. All humans want to fit in. It’s what keeps society moving. But it becomes a problem when social identity overrides individual identity. I’ll give an example, (I apologize to Republicans. This is just an example) the Republican party has a strong identity. People who claim to be Republicans ascribe certain values to themselves, hard-working, responsible etc. They have to be a part of this party no matter what.

Fiscally, they believe in supply-side economics. They are extremely unforgiving to the opposite side, often calling them communist (an extremely hurtful name in America). Religiously, they are pro-choice. I only briefly talk about the different parts of the Republican party because the parts are just examples. What I’m really talking about is in order to be a Republican (or Democrat for that matter) one is forced into a myriad of very strong view points.

For example, I’m a Roman Catholic. It’s hard to be a Catholic Republican because the religion emphasizes truth through experience and the necessary of sacrificing for one’s community. It’s understood that if one is given more one should give back more. Catholics make up 25 percent of the senate. Of that 25 percent more than 60 percent of Catholics in the senate are democrats. Compared to other Christian sects this is a very high number. But what if Catholics agree with the Republican Party on Pro-life? The Catholic can’t prioritize one issue or the other because the party demands complete allegiance. The cost is exile.

So here’s my point (I know we’ve been dancing around) large parties that amalgamate several issues are not individualistic. They are in fact, the opposite. We can reduce this further. Within Catholicism there are further divisions that the religion imposes on its parishioners. In the end none of us is truly an individual.

I’m sure I’ve lost some people already, but a lack of individualism is not necessarily a bad thing. A society of strictly individualists would be anarchy. The rich would exploit the poor. Essentially it would be feudalism. It might seem unfair to push individuals into certain views, but society has a reason for safe guarding what it believes to be truth. If a denomination splintered into so many pieces it would eventually have no meaning. In democratic societies a certain amount of compromise is necessary to achieve enough votes to foster change. Finally, ostracism is a good tool for preventing nihilism.

However, from the vantage point of a chaos philosopher intolerance can be extremely damaging to society because it prevents new ideas from gaining ground. The world is constantly changing and human beings never find a perfect solution. The best solutions are a result of trial and error, good testing and strong communication. Intolerance prevents all these things because it fears losing control and avoids looking at the world through different paradigms. Established parties can use power via ostracism to push people to their side and ignore larger problems with in society. It’s hard for us to believe, but being offended doesn’t make us just. We are offended because we desire power and seek to ostracize others, so we can obtain it. Ultimately, we need to compromise and save ostracism for extremes. We need to learn to let everyone state their points of view and not be offended.

Birth of a rebellion

I was sitting in the library reading several Harper pieces, one about the multiverse, another about an old mind’s journey into death juxtaposed with the collapse of American politics and another on the collapse of Britain. Each piece traversed my mind bringing up issues that exist, but aren’t yet formed. At the same time, I’ve been working on my own piece about urban renewal within a new mental framework. I’ve submitted my article several times, but editors have a lot of hangups. As such, I thought it would be helpful to systemize millenial thinking. Anyone else who has something to add is encouraged to comment.

Social Darwinism

Social Darwinism as understood in America makes no sense. The basic premise is that people who should survive will survive and is suppose to reflect how nature works. Only it doesn’t represent how nature works at all. It’s just anarchy.

In nature prey animals like elephants herd together. They organize like a union does to ensure survival. If they didn’t they wouldn’t survive. Lions or other predators would eat them until they became extinct and then when there was no food left the lions would cannibalize one another until their numbers shrunk. Amazingly, this is exactly how economics work in America. Businesses become more and more monopolistic until they reach the point where they no longer benefit the consumer.

The clear lesson here is that laizzes faire economics is not what Adam Smith calls natural liberty because it cuts off one group’s method of survival, so another group can dominate.

On Government

Which brings us to our next dilemma. The older generation hates government. I can’t understand this idea at all. Perhaps it’s a throwback to their hippie days when they simply said, I don’t like how this works, so I’m going to quit it entirely. Anti-establisment rhetoric doesn’t help anyone. Perhaps, we should talk about the responsibility’s of government, but it doesn’t make any sense to say a country could exist without government. In thousands of years of human history no country has ever succeeded without government. That’s overwhelming evidence that it is necessary.

It’s very simple why we need government: to protect the populous against accumulation and abuse of power. People naturally need to move forward, but in a country without a legislature there is no guaranteed way for a country to move forward without the consolidation of power (this is also true of legislature’s who refuse to work together). It’s true that a country can move forward behind a moralist like Gandhi or MlK, but long term those situations won’t work unless the people have strong moral character. In a country without strong moral character, consolidation of power generally results in a firm simple ideology (to reach a broader audience.) Idealism can be the greatest sin man has. As the bible says, “the path to hell is paved with good intentions”

P.S. I won’t delve into a country with long lasting moral character because it has never existed. If a country did have strong moral character it wouldn’t need idealism however because the people would always give each other the benefit of the doubt and work hard. In that country idealism wouldn’t matter because the people would always find the right solution. I guess you could say moral character is more important than any ideology.

Idealism and Pragmatism

One of my biggest concerns with the older generation is their obsession with idealism. They believe a good idea can solve all the world’s problems regardless of methodology. The Harper’s story of the dying man bemoan’s his generation’s obsession with idealism. The writer says he never realized how a lack of ethics could damage the country so badly.

His explanation is simple. If you believe you are right and all you need to do is bring people to your side than what’s the harm of manipulating your audience? Why not say wolves are waiting to tear us apart? Why not say money will trickle down? The problem is once one begins to live in a world of ideas one loses any attachment to reality. And even worse, the lack of remorse in manipulating people allows politicians to postulate overly simple ideas. The Bible is actually a good place to understand why the older generation has failed. Essentially, there are two ideas that encapsulate all of the bible: Man is fallen and love thy neighbor. With these two ideas one can build great societies.

Firstly, man must understand he is fallen and ultimately falls short of perfect understanding. By doing so man humbles himself to others and God, but also prepares an ideology that is adaptive to failings. No man with self doubt would postulate such simple economic theories. They would understand economics are four dimensional and change happens. They would spend more time reviewing and less time proseltyzing. Secondly, man needs to understand they must love thy neighbor. This should be the philosopher’s maxim. Without loving everyone one can’t help anyone. Loving one’s neighbor forces one to develop more complex philosophic systems and forces one to be just rather than power hungry.

Human being’s naturally don’t like dissonance. They don’t like being confused, so they make generalizations. They do this because they are flawed. Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s ok. If they were to put themselves in one another’s shoes they might be overwhelmed, but Augustine tells us that angst is good. He says being lost is the way to God. In the case of economics if one lived a day in the inner city they would see the problem’s there aren’t laziness. Loving everyone forces one to except a lot of different believes. It pressures one to come up with middle of the road solutions. In our society we belief compromising is a sign of weakness. This is because we worship power. In a just country, we wouldn’t think of compromise as submission. We would see it as the end result of a long hard discussion where our realization gives us greater answers than we could have found on our own.

Millenial Future

I have posited an unorganized world that can only been held together via community love and hard work. I have proven (very easily) that social darwinism is a mistake and results in a consolidation of power. I have established government as a necessary check on power and finally I have proposed that when electing candidates it is important that our generation not get caught up in the simplicity of hate. Instead, we must love all ideas and develop our own ideas accordingly. Necessarily our ideas will surpass our parents in terms of complexity, but that’s ok as long as we stay connected with one another and patiently explain rather than bark. When someone asks us why we do something a certain way we must explain it and don’t become short tempered. Finally, I think it’s important to add it is natural to be mad at our parent’s generation for their religious and economic failures, but anger is not a helpful emotion. One one hand we must be stern when saying the world must move forward. We have to introduce new ideas, but we must do so with love in our hearts.

Road blocks, institutional ignorance and my ego/frustration.

I almost never blog anymore. There is no time. I work for a newspaper writing 40 plus hours a week and I have another job. I’m going to venture into fiction soon and blogging just seems like isolated whining to me.

I’m not an individualist and I hate reading people’s ramblings about their own personal life without any context of what is going on in the world. That being said, I’m going to do it myself… right now.

I’ve been a journalist for one year now and I’ve done some good work, but I can’t say I’ve made the progress I’d hoped for. Earlier today I was talking to an editor from the Houston Chronicle about an article on organ transplants. For a while now, I have been trying to find a family to follow as they wait on the organ donor list. I’ve cast a wide net, using facebook sites to search. I eventually found a family with a 14 month child on the donor list who moved from Tennessee to Houston so they could wait for an organ. Families move every year to be in the right place for organ donations. Many of those families will go through the darkest times of their life with only the support of others waiting on the list. Every year thousands of people die on the donors list.

My idea was to use this family as the protagonist for a series of articles that explores the organ donation system. I gifted the idea to the Houston Chronicle and they asked me why is this family’s story interesting? First of, it’s a 14 month-year-old waiting for an organ transplant, whose family has moved to Houston in a desperate attempt to save their daughter.

Second of all, her story alone isn’t all the significance. It’s the entire picture. Newspapers ask why they fail and this is exactly why. The milenial generation has reached its fill of stand alone information. What we want is accumulated information that looks at the big picture. The television program the Wire is a great example. And also from a business perspective everyone is giving stand alone information. It’s like network television before HBO. There are a million opportunities out there, but no one is taking a shot because they are too cowardly.

Instead the industry produces content in the same lazy quick turnover way it has for generations — a thousand stories that in aggregate equal zero — but uses technology and the result is still no one cares. Value comes from the substance of the story — the understanding of humanity — not the packaging. Once you have a great story you can chop it up any way you want for any kind of package, but you have to get the substance first.

There are simple reasons why the industry focuses on quick flip stuff. Firstly, it’s so incredibly easy to write an article about what happened at a murder or any one time event. Most of these stories follow the same uncreative pattern. so and so was killed. it was the such and such murder this year. No one saw it coming blah blah blah inverted pyramid into irrelevance.

If journalism is simple that means the people up top get to keep more of the money because there is less competition for talent. The second you let people excel you lose control of the whole industry. But also from a human perspective the status quo requires less controversy or frustration. Most editors would rather hire someone that does an alright job with the stories they’re handed than someone who does a fantastic job, but covers their own stories. It’s counter intuitive because it makes their job easier, but it’s true because Americans are obsessed with control.

Finally, the whole country is fucked up, so that makes journalism hard. Recently, I had my first foray with politics and the industry. I covered a murder trial that involved an elderly man and his five-year-old adopted step-daughter. The girl died with a bag over head in 1995. At the time of her death, it was not ruled a homicide. At a standard cold case review the event was brought back to trial. Ultimately, the elderly man took a plea deal — against his lawyer’s wishes — partly because of poor health. Some coroner’s reports said it wasn’t a homicide. But the judge gave the man a light sentence and the prosecutor’s attorney took a hit in popularity. As a result, he contacted a soft news journalist in Peoria — one of the bigger towns in Illinois — who chopped up my stories and altered them so that it was a battle of good and evil. The standard cold case review became “I couldn’t let this crime go unpunished.” The coroner and the local police chief jumped on the issue too. I had talked to all these people during the trial and they all said the same thing: the public doesn’t understand how the system works anymore. They think the real world is like CSI and that creates unrealistic expectations and makes it hard to solve cases, but then as soon as the simplified reality can benefit them they exploit it.

The whole nation has become a part of a constant election to the extant that it and everyone in it is incapable of empirically evaluating evidence or creating complicated social systems. Instead, everything flows straight from beliefs, which are never scrutinized because facts change to fit beliefs and not vice versa. If the elderly man is suspected of murder and the good district attorney says the man is a villain and he’s a hero then that is true and he should be re-elected.

I don’t blame the soft news journalist for getting sucked into this bullshit. They have to eat and journalism doesn’t pay. I understand them. They probably started off with ambitions, but when they faced road blocks at every direction they decided they could make money by peddling other people’s bullshit. Sources don’t want to talk to a journalist on a story where they can’t be sure of the outcome, but if they can spin something into a puff piece about how great they are then every government official wants to talk.

I can imagine the soft news journalist in his youth talking to an editor.

“Sir, I have this big story about how inner city crime and inner city education overlap and what can be done to fix the problem.” the soft news journalist said.

“Hmm, that’s a good idea, but do you think maybe we could just write a story about how so and so has fixed all those problems and it is really simple. You could do that in one day. Just get quotes.”

After that day, the journalist was easy to get along with. Other journalists where better at reporting and writing, but they asked too many questions or became frustrated and joined think tanks, election campaigns or PR firms. Since the journalist was easy to get a long with he grew up to become an editor. And one day he had an ambitious young journalist who wanted to examine the mental health industry and how mental health affects our nation. On that day, he told that young journalist that no one cares about mental health like he was programmed to years before.

The young journalist told him that tastes can change. The people don’t care because they don’t know.

“It’s our job to adapt to changes in the world and illustrate those changes to the public, so they can make more informed decisions,” he said.

The editor, former ambitious journalist, ignored him.

“I need you to cover the high school musical,” he said. “Our readers want to know about that.”

Small town people dream like cats and city people dream like dogs

It’s come to my attention that small town people dream like cats and city people dream like dogs.

A girl I know told me that she was going to cure the world by smiling at everyone she sees.

“They’ll just think you want to fuck them,” I said.

She gasped and pulled back.

“But that’s not what I mean,”

“Your message isn’t about what you mean it’s about what they perceive,” I said.

And I tried to explain how even good intentions can easily be taken the wrong way and that in order to help anyone you have to look at the world their way.

But it’s so hard and she was mad at be. I wished our brains could be linked and she could feel what I feel and I could feel what she feels.

Maybe she could dream the dusty dream of the city streets and understand the confusing, indirect social structure and how hard it is to make change.

And maybe I could dream the golden, fairy tale dream of her little city, where the city council decides to move up Halloween three days because it’s more convenient for the people of the town.

And maybe she could understand why it’s such a mind boggling thing to be able to change the date of Halloween.

Or maybe we could do a brain exchange and we could walk around all day with each other’s brains and she could know what it’s like to worry about accomplishments and respect all day. And maybe if I possessed her brain I would know what it’s like to be serene and need only the love of family.

And maybe after we’ve worn each other’s brains we can see each other with a new found respect and maybe that night when we go home and go to sleep we can dream one united, human dream.

Lost, lonely and confused, driving in the snow in a Buick ’92

The car drives. I just go. I don’t know where I am and I don’t know how I got here. My life flashes like a projector and I flip the switch. I made the decisions but was I ever really in control?

In the first scene my family and I celebrate Christmas. My sister is 18. She has picked out a tree that is way too big. I tell her no. It won’t fit in the house, so I know I’ll have to saw it. She pouts and we get it.

The projector flashes and it’s on to the next image. I have to make money. I dropped out when the economy crashed, but two years of saving and I’m back in school. I’m in a parking lot at Mizzou, rich enough for school, but too poor for a place to go. I’m wearing a flannel shirt and I’m in the fetal position with my contacts tucked into my clothes trying to get out of the cold. I remember my professor Katherine Reed, but I hope she doesn’t remember me. I cried when I told her I had to quit two years before.

Then I’m saying goodbye to my friends at Mizzou. I got a job in a small town newspaper, where I’ll work like a maniac and never get noticed. Cayce and Perry and a lot of my friends are at the going away party. The signs on the wall say goodbye pig — my nickname. I cry as I tell Cayce goodbye. We stay in touch. I sure cry a lot for somebody so tough.

And then I’m in Monmouth, where I am now. Everything’s different. The world is simpler and so are politics. There’s no need to ask questions on morality or economy because the small town crew has it all figured out.

But I’m driving in an old Buick on a snowy road and I don’t know where to go. I’d like to scream out where are you holy ghost? Where do I go from here? Sometimes I pretend the high beams are the holy ghost and I follow them wherever they go. But the real world isn’t so clear.

If my pen slips I could injure someone. If I don’t say enough then I contribute to ignorance. I’m just trying to do right. We are all just trying to right, but it’s hard when everyone is so uptight.

It’s no wonder so many people are paralyzed. I would gladly push forward if I just knew where to go, but it’s Christmas time and I’m all alone. I’d like to be in St. Louis butchering a tree. I’d like to hang out with friends. But I could gladly do without some of those comforts if I could just flash forward on my projector machine and see the world better because of me.

Aung San Suu Kyi free

In a universe governed by Murphy’s Law it’s easy to be cynical. Everything in this world degrades when taken for granted. America’s current situation is a perfect example. This current recession could have been avoided by analyzing the direction of the economy, but instead the nation took the economy for granted and it tanked. Americans wanted one easy solution and then to let things go, but that’s not how the universe works. The universe demands little solutions all the time. The universe demands constant analysis.

Luckily for humanity one great person can undo a whole nations vice. Martin Luther King Jr.’s work undid 200 years of segregation and changed the ideas of a nation. Mandela did the same in South Africa. And for 20 years Suu Kyi has stood up against oppressive military juntas in her native Burma.

Political unrest has been common in Burma for more than 50 years. Suu Kyi’s own father was assassinated. In 1990, she won the general election in Burma and as a result was placed under house arrest, where she has remained off and on for 20 years. During the Saffron revolution of 2007, many monks were killed because of non-violent protests.

Guided by her buddhist’ principles and the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi Suu Kyi has emerged as the face of grace in a chaotic nation. I wish I had more time to research and write about her, but sadly I don’t. Instead, I urge everyone who reads this blog to do some research on her because it’s people like Suu Kyi who keep the world moving forward.

Someday I will die

I had never known anyone to die before.

At 10:30 a.m., one half-hour before I had to cover a Republican Convention my boss called me.

“Are you calling me to remind me about that convention?” I said.

No. and then he said something I could barely understand.

I asked him what and he spoke a little louder.

“Tina’s Ryan was killed in a motorcycle accident,” he said.

“What?”

“We’re telling everyone in the office. Tina will probably be gone a little while.”

“We have to do something,” I said.

“We will.”

After the conversation I didn’t know what to do. I was trying not to cry the whole time, but when he hung up I cried.

The story of Tina and Ryan

When I came to Monmouth I didn’t have any money or any place to stay. Tina from the ad department took me in. If it weren’t for her I don’t think I could have held a job after graduation. Her son was 22, about six feet tall, stout and he rode a Harley Davidson. He tried to get me to hang out with him a couple times, but I was too busy with work. I was trying to stay away from any drinking/distractions. Now, I feel like I blew him off. I also feel like since I’m a couple years older I could have been a good influence and maybe he wouldn’t have ridden so dangerously.

I have no idea how Tina is going to handle this. She took pride in him the way only a mother could. She use to brag about his many girlfriends. As a evangelical Christian I doubt she thought it was a good thing, but she cared so much about him she couldn’t believe anything he did was really wrong. I think he complicated her view of right and wrong. And I think she always believed that he would one day settle down and she would have a close family. Now that will never happen.

Back in the present

After the phone call with Matt my brain was disoriented. I could picture an image of Ryan in my head. That image exists in my brain, but there’s no person that it represents anymore. How can he be in my head and not in the world?

And then I thought of Tina. Tina helps people. Why did this happen?

The world continued going. I had to cover an event at 11 a.m. and I didn’t want to. I felt like I was riding in a subway with the world fizzing by me and nothing made any sense.

In the blur, I realized I didn’t have a seat belt. I should wear a seat belt. I never wear a seat belt, but at that time it felt like the most important thing in the world.

But what didn’t seem important was a Republic Convention or my job. When I got to the convention the Sheriff told me there had been a fatal accident. I told him I knew. I talked to a Congressman and a man running for Senator. I didn’t really care. They talked about the importance of fiscal austerity, Democrats and whether or not they’re a negative party. In the days ahead all these things will matter again, but right now all that matters is that the people I care about are happy.

Back at the office, I tried to work, but I couldn’t focus. A butterfly fluttered around outside the window. I scrutinized it as it patted against the window. I wondered if he was trying to communicate with me. I decided that was crazy, but I wasn’t really sure. I told him I wish he would never die and sat down at my desk to write. I felt helpless.

Rough draft of Adrian’s Nightmare

Adrian looked into the mirror as she removed her make up. She had long black hair, big blue eyes and pouty lips. She was beautiful and she was proud of it. She kept a bottle of water on a night stand next to her bed. She took a long drink and went to bed.

In her dream she was floating in a blue pool. The stars bobbed on the waves next to her as she floated into the sun. A flock of fish swam around her and one by one they stuck to her. She kicked but they did not come off. And then a turtle stuck to her. The stars flowed into her and she connected with them. Above it all there was a huge face and it watched as everything became attached to her. She disappeared into the dirt and the fish and the stars. Her face was no longer there and Adrian became terrified.

“Where is my beautiful face,” she screamed. And the stars spoke.

We’re sorry we had to take your beauty
it’s a real pity to lose something so precious
but you weren’t doing anything with it
so we thought we’d put it to better use.

Across her body, underneath her armpit there was a land. In that land young boys liked to play pranks in the night. The land had acquired all knowledge of good and evil. They placed a gold plate on their two most evil cities. One read Sodom and the other Gomorrah. Only, the young boys moved the signs to another city, so the righteous had no way of knowing what was good and what was evil. The city that became called Sodom was once a good town, but now everyone was confused. A minister in a cloak marched into the town with an army of parishioners behind it.

The minister carried a centimeter inch thick book called truth. He grabbed the first man he saw — who happened to be with a child — and threw him into the center of the mob. The man’s young boy hid in the shadows of the wall.

“Do you repent,” the minister screamed as she lifted her hood. Adrian was startled to see her own face and behind all the faces of the army were hers as well.

“I don’t know what I’ve done,” the man said.

“You live in Sodom. You’re unholy,” Adrian said and she grabbed a knife and pushed into his head. “Repent now.”

“I do live in Sodom, but I’m a good man. I’ve done nothing.” he said.

Adrian pushed the knife against his head and slowly carved a shallow cross.

“Please, I have a child,” the man said.

She pushed the knife against his head deepening the cross.

“You’re too evil to have a child,” she said. “Repent now.”

“I don’t know what you want me to repent from. I’ve been a good father and I work hard.”

“You’re evil,” she said repeating herself and she pushed the knife in deeper. Blood began to pour from his face.

“I don’t know what I’ve done,” he screamed.

And Adrian pushed the knife deep into his head until his soul left his body and nothing was left of him but a cross in the brain.

Adrian wiped off her knife and screamed to the crowd.

“Behold we have cleansed the world in the name of God.” she said.

The crowd of hers clapped as the little boy watched in horror from the shadow of the wall.

If that is good
then I’ll be the devil’s son
I’d rather go to hell
then let her get away with what she’s done

In the next instant many years had passed. The boy was older and he kissed Adrian on the face. She held his hand and smiled as he lifted her up and ravaged her with kisses. They were in her bedroom with the mirror and the night stand. He sat her down on the bed and lifted her hands above her head.

“What are you doing,” she said.

“I’m sending you to hell,” he said.

And Adrian felt damnation, love and betrayal in one instance as the boy reached for his knife. He slit a hole above her eyeballs, pulled them out and set them in the bottle of water next to her. They watched as the knife went up and done and splashed in blood.

He screamed over and over again.

“I’d rather go to hell,” then live on your earth.

Her eyes smiled as he stabbed her. The blood filled the room until he floated in it and he became united with her eyes and the mirror and the bed and the stars until he disappeared and the boy who stabbed her didn’t exist anymore and neither did her beautiful face or body.

Adrian woke up in a sweat. She took a gulp of water and looked into the mirror. She was still beautiful. She steadied herself and went back to bed.

“Whew,” she said. “It was only a dream.”

I want to hold your hand

I live three miles away from the office. During the week, Tina gives me a ride every morning at 8 a.m. I thought it would be a difficult transition but it wasn’t. After 25 years as a night owl I became an early bird in two days. I like to come in on the weekends though and then I have to walk. It’s making a man out of me.

During the week I work 40+ hours. At first I kept track, but once they said they wouldn’t give me overtime I stopped. I just report working 9-5 every day. On the weekends I come in and write blogs, read or write fiction… but mostly I play facebook games — I blame my little sister.

I’ve been reading les mis for a couple of weeks. It’s good but Hugo is verbose. I think I could do all the things he does, but I wouldn’t do them all in one. Les mis is history articles, newspaper articles and essays, on religion and politics,  all sprinkled into fiction. I also read Random Family by Adrian Nichole Leblanc. It has to be the greatest work of non-fiction since Capote or Mailer. Anyone who wonders what life is like in the inner city or any asshole who wants to scream about welfare and taxes should read that book first. She doesn’t make the characters look great. She lets them go the way they go, but she does it in a beautiful understated style that the reader ends up numb thinking Holy shit, I can’t believe this goes on. Before that I read Edmund Hillary’s memoirs. He was such an amazing man. He was the first on Everest and he traversed the South Pole. He was just an average man with an extraordinary will. The difference between mediocrity and greatness is a tiny bit of will power. The difference between greatness and legend is a lot of willpower. Hillary is a legend.

For hours I’ve thought about walking home. Perhaps in Tina’s house, where I am staying since I couldn’t afford my own place I would read more, but I’m waiting for the rain to stop before I go — I still can’t believe I got hired without any where to go or a car and some how miraculous everything worked out. I’m really lucky.

In this instance, serendipity favored me. In the newsroom, I played pandora until a Bob Dylan song came on.

I’ve written extensively about my obsession with Bob Dylan. When I was 16 hearing him made me want to be a writer. When I was homeless I thought Dylan did it. Even when I’m not listening to Dylan he still has a cosmic influence over me. Over time I stopped listening as much because I’d already heard it all millions of times. I played it over and over again trying to understand his melody, his lyrics, his politics and his religion.

It all faded into my subconscious as I grew and found my own voice. When I heard him today after a long lay off I had to get up and walk. There’s a lot of power in that man. I took a deep breath. If I didn’t owe any money I would drive until I found Dylan and if he didn’t let me in I’d tell him I have to see him before I can go forward. He brought me to the point where I am today and I need to say thanks. But unfortunately, I am sitting in office working to get paid. I wonder if past generations ever felt like the goal in life was to pay off your debt before you get old.

If I didn’t owe a dime, I wouldn’t buy a thing. I would fly around like a whale with its mouth wide open swallowing all of life’s experiences like they were itty bitty fish. I would visit Dylan and I would visit Marquez. I would talk to everyone on the way and I’d write down everything they have to say. I’m not so naive to say the answers to the world’s problems can come from one average man, but I do believe you can synthesis a world if you talk to all the average men and if you’re willing to give up a little bit of your self to help others — that isn’t hard to do when you know the people you’re helping.

I think I’d like to shake hands with a different person in a different town every single day. Maybe then I would know something, but in this divided world with fragmented internet information and pictures without stories you have to be crazy to think you know a thing if you haven’t shaken hands with someone, sat with them and listened to their story.

Fake News: The Second Coming

The Savior, Jesus Christ decided to come down from heaven today. He did not come to slay the unholy or to ascend the righteous to heaven. Instead, he came to present President Barack Obama’s birth certificate to the American people.

“I had to put an end to this garbage. I don’t care if you like his politics or not it’s childish to undermine everything the man does because you’d like to believe he’s not an American citizen when there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary,”

The messiah, 2000+,  huffed “It’s desperate and pathetic,” he said.

The messiah descended live on Glenn Beck’s show to present the certificate.

Beck was so stunned he immediately began stuttering before he planned his defense.

“Messiah, that’s messi plus ah,” Beck said. “That means the ahha the messiah causes a mess in America. Therefore, the messiah is bad.”

Christ attempted to argue.

“You’re arguing against words not the point,” said Christ who died for the sins of all mankind. “You’re just deferring because you have no idea what you’re talking about,”

Beck responded by asking several rhetorical questions while intermingling his life story.

“I’m sorry I wasted your time America. I thought the messiah would be a good thing, but clearly I was wrong.” he said.

Jesus responded.

“That guy never really liked me. He was just using me to support his irrational ideas. When I didn’t agree with him he shunned me. It’s ok though I forgive him. He isn’t intelligent enough to amend his ideas to new information, so instead he delegitimizes information to his choosing. That way he is always right.”

Jesus thought he would have more luck on Bill O’Reilly’s office but he was surprised by what happened.

First the son of God presented the birth certificate and O’Reilly questioned his authenticity. Jesus turned water into wine and made a nice fish dinner for the crew. O’Reilly was so mad that he cut Christ’s microphone. However, Jesus didn’t need a microphone for the people to hear him, so he continued to talk. O’Reilly called for security to take away the messiah, but they refused for fear of damnation. O’Reilly then took matters into his own hands and shot the messiah which accomplished nothing because the messiah continued to resurrect himself.

“I don’t believe he is the real messiah. This was a test from Satan. The real messiah would have agreed with me. In fact, I probably am the messiah.” O’Reilly said before he began hysterically screaming me me me, everything is always about me.

In typical messiah fashion Jesus wasn’t upset about his meeting on earth.

“All human beings are fallen,” he said “that’s why patience and tolerance are the greatest virtues. I can’t allow myself to be corrupted by the actions of few men. Instead, I must challenge them toward greatness and lead as the north star to a sailor. My light can guide the most destitute in the darkest times.”

A new poll showed that Americans now viewed the messiah as soft and his approval rating dropped from 100 percent to 40 percent. However, belief in President Obama’s lack of citizenship remained unaltered.