I’ve got the small town blues

I pissed some people off in Monmouth already. It was bound to happen. I’m a polarizing figure. I have a godfatheresque personality. I’m hot and cold. I’m oblivious to people or things I don’t care about or respect, but if I do care then I’m the warmest person in the world. I’m decisive, so it’s on and off like the flip of a switch.

What happened in this instance is I had to write a high-school musical preview which isn’t news. There is no reason why a newspaper should preview a high-school musical. There are a million more important things to cover, but I did it to be nice. I spent an hour on the thing and the next day I got a call from the people at the school. They thought I was too negative when I said they only had one prop which was true. They also didn’t like that I quoted a kid saying he didn’t have the write shirt, but he would by the proper shirt for the show. My point was that the kids worked well given their limitations.

Anyone that has ever read me would realize I think the greatest attribute of a man is the ability to work with limitations and eventually overcome those limitations. I tried to explain that to the man who called but he was fuming.

“Why didn’t you say her voice was vibrant?” he said.

“I don’t put my opinion in these things. It’s just a preview.”

“Well you would sell more newspapers if you put your opinion in it.”

“I’m not a salesmen; that’s not my job.”

It really annoys me when someone expects me to blow them up. First of all I almost never use adjectives and what makes you so special that I should change my style for you. You should be happy I give you a forum to speak.

There are some good things about Monmouth. The people are nice, but I don’t think I could live in a small town my whole life. The people are petty. Stress is relative. The more you are used to stress the better you can cope. In a small town where there are no concerns little things become huge. The school board meetings are insane. People say that if a school closes their whole community will be extinct. Getting a gas station in their town is like winning the lottery. It’s difficult for me to get used to. I don’t mind being stressed out. In fact, I pride myself on always being stressed out. But that’s the problem everything these people are freaking out just seems like every day life to me. I can’t get as hyped up as they do. I don’t know if I’m jaded or they are but it’s different.

I’m not going to change the way I do things. I will be fair, but there is going to be a culture clash here. I’m a big city guy.

http://www.reviewatlas.com/Featured/x99759925/Revisiting-The-Great-Nicola This is a story I wrote about a magician from Monmouth. It was fun to do. I wish I had more time, but that’s the newspaper business.

My Life as a Newspaper man

I usually get to work at 10-11 depending on what needs to get done. I’m working at a small paper, so I have to write down the police blotter and the fire calls everyday.  I try to do this first, so I can focus on other things. It’s garbage.

Then I have to edit obituaries… not a lot of fun. Funeral homes can’t write. They use passive voice a lot or should I say passive voice is often used by funeral homes. See how much more complicated that is. A human brain can’t read passive voice sentence after sentence. Wow, I sound old.

I also have to design the comics page and the ask abby, Dr. gott etc page. I put the columns into a template. It takes a bit and it’s not fun.

Finally, after that I get to write. I don’t just write. Since, I started working here I’ve taken pictures for two school board meetings and I’ve put together a photogallery, so I’m a page designer, photographer, editor and features writer. The best thing about working at a small paper is that I immediately became the papers feature writer. I said hey I’ll write the features and someone else said fine by me. It’s a lot of work you can do it.

So far I’ve only written one story and it wasn’t a feature. It was a story about education reform. I interviewed a congressman in an intimate setting. It was just him, a superindent, a principal and me. I sat next to him and asked him any question I wanted to. It was cool.

I’m writing a profile now. It’s basically done, but we are saving it for Saturday. I can’t believe how much easier it is for me to write profiles now. I wrote a 1,000 word profile in one day and it wasn’t even stressful. I remember when writing that many words seemed impossible. I interviewed four people and I talked to the lady several times. I even asked her about her cancer. It was a bold move.

Let me back track.  The story is about a librarian who’s worked in Monmouth off and on for 50 years. She set out to be a missionary, but her father died so she had to stay in Monmouth and take care of her mother. Monmouth became her mission. Along the way she got cancer, but she hasn’t let it slow her down. She can’t quit teaching even if she tried. It’s neat to tell stories of everyday people who try to make a difference. I’ll add a link to the story tomorrow.

I guess that’s it for now. I know the literary quality of these posts has really declined. I am invested elsewhere. I’m trying to write fiction in my off-time and I hope to get published soon. Wish me luck

Job in Montana -too little too late

A week ago I got offered a job in Montana.  I would’ve been the editor, photographer, reporter and designer.  Also, I would have been living in Montana, a state with small population density.  I’ve always had an enormous group of friends.  It would have been difficult, but I was ready for the challenge.  I was looking forward to climbing mountains and hiking in the Montanan wilderness.  Unfortunately, the job was already filled by the time I got back to the editor.

I’m not that upset about it though.  It’s understandable.  I needed at least a week to commit myself to saying goodbye to everyone.  I don’t know if people are supposed to move around as much as I like to.  Some people collect stamps or baseball cards.  I collect people.  My friend Cayce teases me because I share so much with other people and they share so much with me.  He says I make everyone feel like I’m their bestfriend, but at the same time I am driven more by ambitions than friendship.  I will leave people to become a successful writer. I want to move because I like to meet new and interesting people, but I only now realize when you meet someone new sometimes you have to say goodbye to someone old.  I hate that.  There is no way I could have a going away party.  I’d spend all night acting like leaving didn’t bother me while I cry to everyone and tell them how much they mean to me.  I wish I could bring everyone with me.

I guess that’s part of the moving process.  You have to be ready emotionally to go.  You can have all the talent in the world, but if you haven’t really realized what you’re losing you’re not going to be able to make a snap decision when that job does come.  It didn’t work out this time, but I understand it’s a process and I’m more ready than I was before.  The editor was friendly and he gave me some great advice.  He told me to ask about what direction the paper is heading and how I can help them get there.  I’ll use that on the next editor.

Receding hairline

I’m losing my hair in the front because I keep pulling it out.  I sit in front of a computer screen a couple hours a day and pull my hair out.  I scream curse words until my voice goes horse.  How come no one told me how hard it is to get your first real job?  First, you have to make a resume and if you want to do it right you’d better have some one look it over.  There should be a website where recent graduates publish and compare prospective resumes.  Second, you have to establish all your references.  If you’re a journalist like me you need a cover letter, which is just a brief description of your ambitions and what you’ve accomplished.

Once you’ve got all that you’ve got to start sending out resumes like mad.  Employers don’t respond that much.  I get write/call backs once every 10 applications.  It could be because I don’t have that many clips or an internship and I am being a little picky.  I’d like to work at a place that allows their writers to take chances.  I don’t necessarily want to be locked into a beat.  I’m not interested being a business/government writer.  I want to be a human condition writer.

I have clips and I definitely have references, but it’s hard for me to compete with other students in pure numbers of the clips when I worked full-time during school.  I wish I could’ve just written full-time.  Ahh well, there’s plenty of time to catch up.

Hopefully, the job hunt will be over soon and I’ll be in Alaska skiing or Florida deep sea fishing or maybe Spain macking on spanish girls (I need to update my to do list and put that one on there)  before the year is out.  And maybe I’ll write some fiction too.  I need to do that real soon.  For now all I can do is send out resumes like mad.  Newspapers you can expect to hear from me.

so busy

Bah, I’m so busy.  My resume is just about done.  My queries are looking good.  I work 40 hours in 4 days.  I’m moving and I’m applying for a few jobs.  At the same time, I’m trying to have some sort of personal life (trying).  I thought I’d get the chance to write today, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.  I will write sometime soon though and I have a great idea.  In honor of the recently released beatles rock band I’m going to write the continued story of mean Mr. Mustard and Pam.  I know it’s a fan fictionish idea and I’m trying to be a serious writer.  I probably shouldn’t do stuff like that.  Oh well I’m a serious writer who’s not always that serious.  I’m sure it will be a lot of fun to write.  And who knows maybe someone out there can write about the future of Bungalow Bill or Rocky Raccoon.  (Did anyone else notice the Beatles like to use alliteration in their names?)

I’m so tired

Over the last three days I’ve slept four hours.  The photographer I’m working with called me yesterday and told me she won’t be able to go out to the farm this week because she had strep throat which developed into bronchitis.  That explains my throat.  I’d love nothing more to sleep, but sleep is for the weak.

A draft is due of my farm profile Thursday, but it took so long to find a family that I’ve only spent six hours with them.  I was going to go tomorrow, but there’s no way I can make it.  It’s really important to me to be the toughest bastard alive, but I’ve made the mistake of realizing I’m sick.

I tried to talk myself out of it.

“You’re find Ryan; it’s not a big deal,” I told myself, but at work today I could barely lift the frozen meatloaf.  It probably only weighs about 40 pounds, but I was exhausted after lifting it.  What’s worse is that it’s St. Patty’s day today, and we were really busy.  I’m usually good at what I do, but today I was really struggling.  My manager asked me if everything was alright.  Of course, I told him I was fine.  I couldn’t possible let him think I was vulnerable.  I am the toughest bastard alive. 

My friend Casey was trying to get me to go out. 

“Come out tonight piggimus prime,” he said. “let’s do irish car bombs.”

Ordinarily, I’d love an irish car bomb, but I was insanely busy and sick.

“Come pigosaurus rex,” he said. “we’ve got to hang out before you go.”

“I don’t even know when I’m going to be able to go,” I said

I was starting to feel pretty bad.  I have so much to do this semester I’ve had to prioritize.  There’s no way I can do my internet class until after graduation.  I work 30 hours a week.  Editing and design take another 10 or so.  I have a huge project due in my international reporting class that will take about 40, and I’m supposed to be a full time journalist. 

My writing professor wrote a quote on the board. 

“When you’re hungry eat rice and when you’re tired close your eyes.”

I told him I was a college student.  I can’t afford to eat, and I don’t have time to sleep. 

It’s infuriating to me because I should be able to do this.  I should be able to do anything.  I’ve been homeless.  I’ve gone a whole week without sleeping.  And I’ve already dropped out once to help pay bills and made it back.  I don’t understand why this is so hard.

When I got off work today, I sat in the shower for half an hour because I was too sick to get up.  When I finally did get up I had to brace myself against the shower walls.  I talked myself into going to the library.

“Don’t be a wuss Ryan; you only feel bad because you allow yourself to feel bad.”

I walked to the library, but I couldn’t lift my head because it hurt too much.  I walked bent over like a decrepid old man.  And that made me real scared. 

What if I’ve given all I’ve got?  What if I’ve worn myself out over the last couple years.  Most people don’t work 60-70 hours a week.  Most people socialize a lot more than I do, but how do they have the time to balance it all?  I don’t understand why I’m such a bad multi-tasker.

But I was determined to make it to the library.  My lungs hurt real bad, and I wanted to spit, but my mouth was too dry, so the phlegm just stuck to my mouth.  Ahh fuck it you only need one lung right?  I walked up the library stairs, but again I had to brace myself against the railing.  Once I got there I didn’t want to do anything, but I had to.  I’m so close to graduation.  Once I have a job everything will be easier.  Life will never be tougher than it is right now. 

But what about the ivy league kids who’ve spent all their time studying.  They’ve probably got a lot more clips than I do.  My resume is going to list all my odd jobs and how much I’ve worked and my managers will all give me good evals, but is an employee going to care how hard I worked at Cracker Barrel or that I taught children how to read or that I dropped out of school to help my dad pay the bills and then worked my way back into school.  How will that compare to the ivy league kid who spent all his time and has three good clips.  I hate to say it because I believe in self-sufficiency and toughness, but when you’re born poor most your life is spent catching up. 

Nonetheless, I made it to the library and I wrote this blog.  I emailed my teacher to tell him my first draft would be a bit sketchy.  I’m finishing my editing homework, and I am making progress on my international reporting essay.  Maybe, my editing homework and my international reporting essay won’t be as great as I hoped, but I’ve given them all I could.  And I’ll drop dead of exhaustion before my family farm profile isn’t so great that it changes the way journalism is done.  Hopefully, I’ll sleep tonight, but who knows.

Congress: Bail Me Out

***Warning I”m normally known for my tact, but I blow up in this article***

I read this the other day, and it really got me thinking.  Did anyone not see this coming?  Who would’ve thought that in the greediest country in the history of the world businesses would make increasingly ridiculous claims to get money from congress?  But I think this sums up the American recession perfectly: American businesses grab money without restrain, and congress is so stupid, they don’t just lie down, they show up with bags of money, and ask where can they put it. 

Larry Flynt and Joe Francis (Isn’t he in jail for rape) are claiming that without porn America could stop having sex.  America is too depressed to have sex they say.   Have they ever met depressed people?  Because I’ve met a lot of them, and I can say the two things depress people do most is drink and have sex.  They’re looking for any temporary happiness.  If there is one industry in America that doesn’t need help it’s the porn industry.  And really is anyone trying to keep porn dollars in America?  It’s probably the one industry where everyone will agree that outsourcing is fine.  I can just imagine the average American family complaining to congress.

Dad: This is bullshit.  There’s no where for my daughter to work.  All the good porn jobs have been shipped over to China.

Daughter:  I’ve worked real hard to get where I am, but I can’t compete because these foreigners are willing to do anything for nothing.

Senator: You’re right this is a tragedy.  If we want to keep America strong we need American automotives and American porn.  Say it with me: Keep our children in porn.  Keep our children in porn.

But this article isn’t about porn.  It’s about me (isn’t everything?)  I’ve decided to get on the bailout train, and all I’m asking for is one million dollars. 

I have a long-term plan to be a novelist.  In order to live that dream I”ve had to work several jobs, and I’ll begin as a journalist.  I owe the university of Missouri some money, and my parents could use a little help.  I plan to spend my first 100-200 thousand dollars paying off my parents and my stuff.  After that I’m going to pack up my things, and any of my friends that I can find, and I’m going to cover foreign news and wars with brutal reality, but here’s the kicker it all comes back to America.  The book is going to be about America it’s going to be called America: the land of the self righteous, self absorbed, and self-entitled (catchy, I know).   

I know it’s a cliche: finish your plate.  There are children in India that don’t have food (maybe not anymore.  Their economy is really growing), but it’s so true.  Americans feel like they’re owed much more than they actually are.  No one takes responsibility anymore.  The banks went bankrupt because of poor legislation, and even worse management.  The automotive industry hasn’t had a plan for 20 years.  They both deserve nothing.  I understand a lot of jobs would be lost, and a credit crisis would be devastating, but what I don’t understand is how Congress, and these CEOs don’t hate themselves.  Do they even realize how many lives they’re ruining?  I feel like a hypocrit writing this on the internet.  I should be speaking in a circle because my point is everything in America is disconnected.  America is like one of those story maps you make when you’re younger except there’s no central theme… or maybe it’s greed, in which case, I don’t know if I belong.

This is all a weird realization to me because I am prototypically American: broad shoulders, work scars, blue eyes, strong face, a bit terse, but also free.  My writing style is completely American.  I wrote an article a couple of weeks ago about American pride.  I know if I went to any other country in the world, immediately the people would say: that’s an American.  But I am above all an honest man.  I’m that guy that tells his friends hard truths.  I told my friend Sherman one time that his girlfriend is cheating on him, and he needs to face facts and dump that bitch.  He didn’t talk to me for a couple of weeks, but if he gets married I’ll be his best man.  This stuff happens with all my friends, and I’ll be all their best mans.  It’s because truthfully people no when they’re headed off track, and they know if people love them then sometimes they will yell at them.  I am yelling at America now because it’s what’s best for its future.

America next time your businesses ask for money think about the average person.

America have you ever thought the problem isn’t with anyone else, but perhaps with you?  Have you ever thought that other nations actually may have a reason  to hate us?

America have you ever thought your ideology is great for you, but doesn’t work elsewhere?  Have you ever thought maybe we should give condoms to Africa?  Have you ever thought that other peoples ideas may be as valid as your own?

America, have you ever thought you’re a bit short-sighted, that you rationalize the future around what you have today?  America, sometimes you’re like a woman who loves a man, but who has no future with him.  You shape your whole world around an ideology, but is that ideology comfortable or is it pushing you forward.  Sometimes feeling safe is the worst thing you can do because it allows you to indulge your bad habits.  (Don’t worry America.  I’ve got enough guts to yell at you.)  Maybe you’d be better off planning the future America, and seeing if the ideology still fits.

America, have you ever thought you’re not a hero, but an enabler, and that other countries would be better off without your domination.

In America we always think in terms of action (I’m terrible about this) but what we need now is civil conversation…

And for the one time bargain bailout extravaganza price of only one million dollars I’m willing to lead that conversation.  Think about it America.  This is the deal of a life time.

The Colbert Challenge

Yesterday on his show, Stephen Colbert challenged Paul Simon to write a folk song on the credit crisis.  Almost immediately, I started thinking: I used to want to be a folk musician; why don’t I write a folk song about the credit crisis?  So here goes

 

Come gather round people and I tell you what’s been sown

and about all the people losin their homes

our government thought it wise to leave banks unchecked

and now the poors lives have been wrecked

 

They say that there’s still time to correct

and that in the end it will all be for the best

they say they know it’s their job to protect

the poor and the cold and all the rest

 

but they knew what they were doing when they placed their bets

it was money they sought

and so they left souls to neglect

and when the earth fell from beneath their feet

they talked of regret

but overlooked their deceit

 

they couldn’t support the lives that they led

and so it was they who began to beg

and the poor just turned their heads

we’ve been living this way for awhile is all that they said

 

and the poor sang in chorus a song of rage

you haven’t earned your bailout

you haven’t earned your pay

you dug your own hole now accept your collapse

Pig makes moonshine

I am a goal oriented person.  Here’s some of the goals I’ve set for myself.

1. Have a short story published before I am 26. (need to get going on that)

2. base jump off the eiffel tower.

3. cover a war.

4. live in a foreign country and speak a foreign language.

5. raft on white water

6. survive with Bear Grills

7. climb a mountain

8. see a bullfight

There’s many more, like, win a nobel prize, protect people (I know that’s general), and most importantly make moonshine.  Everything in my life has been leading up to making moonshine.

Adnan and I came up with the idea a couple of days a go when we were pitching ideas for our upcoming online journalism class project.  We have to write a wiki, and we thought we could do it on anything.  We chose brewing, and I decided my section was going to be on making moonshine.  I immediately got excited.  If I am going to tell people how to make moonshine shouldn’t I know how to do it?  Yup, I have no choice I have to make moonshine. 

I looked up moonshine recipes on the internet, and it’s surprisingly simple.  I can’t believe it. I’m making moonshine!!! I started singing the I’m making moonshine song all over the library, and Adnan was started to get excited too.  We had to watch a video on making moonshine, so we ran over to Bob’s place.

We watched this video

and we were real excited, but where could we make moonshine?

Adnan called his roommate. no go.  I texted my friend.  He just replied: no let’s go to the bar.  I called Hannah, the Kiss girl, and I think she thought I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop.  My passion for moonshine was just too strong.

Bob (sorry if you read this, but’s true) was started to become a buzzkill.  He didn’t see the point in making moonshine and didn’t want to be involved.  Whatever buddy, your lost. 

We still didn’t have a place to make moonshine, but we wanted to know if we could find yeast in Columbia.  We could at Cool Stuff.  We ran down there and grabbed the Yeast.  Back to Adnan’s car.  We were headed to Wal-Mart when we realized we still didn’t have a place to make moonshine.  I decided to call it quits.  I was real upset, but we couldn’t waste any more money without a place.  Adnan drove me back to my house.

“You’re real upset about this,” he said.

“Ya, I really wanted to make moonshine one time in my life,”

“Well maybe one of my frat friends will let us make it,” he said

We were both pretty down when I left his car, and headed to my place, but sometimes life gives you second chances.  He emailed me today.  Hans wasn’t going to let us do our wiki on brewing (oh well), but we do have a place to brew -it’s in International waters.  WOOHOO!!!.  Apparently, we need to write about the future of journalism.  Anyone know anything about that?  My guess is cyborg computing machines with infinite memory, and the face of George Clooney.  I guess that’s what my wiki will be about.